Monthly Archives: April 2014

Therapy: admitting defeat or an accomplishment?

It took 18 years of living with my stammer before I finally decided to seek help in the form of stammering therapy with Sam at intandem. 

So, why did it take me so long? 

Well, the answer was because I did not want to admit I had a stammer. By pretending it wasn’t there meant that it somehow wasn’t a problem and that it would just disappear… Of course it did not. If I admitted defeat maybe it would rear its head even more? Was I embarrassed by the idea of having a stammer…? Sure! 

Throughout the years my fluency has gone through high and lows. Approximately a year ago I felt I was really struggling. I had become a lot more conscious of my stammer and was even more keen to hide it. The negative feelings surrounding my stammer had increased, which in turn made me stammer more. I felt like I was on a downward spiral and through all the battling I could see no way out.  april14   So, I ‘admitted defeat’ and sought help. 

A year on, my thoughts and attitudes towards my stammer have changed quite radically. One of the key turning points for me was ‘self advertising’, which involved telling friends, family and others that I stammered. Through Sam I had an opportunity to put this into practice by speaking of my experiences to groups of speech and language therapy students: the first time I would give a speech to an audience who all knew I stammered. The scenario was quite alien and I was not sure how I would respond. 

The experience proved more rewarding than I could have ever imagined! The audience’s knowledge of my speech actually reduced the pressure to try not to stammer. If I felt a stammer coming I was more willing to let it out. Quite quickly and without realising I became more relaxed, a lot more fluent and public speaking actually became enjoyable. 

Now a year into speech therapy I have developed a more realistic view of others’ perceptions of my stammer and also put my own stammer into perspective. Rather than battling to avoid stammering I am now more willing to stammer openly. The end result (one which I was always looking for) has been an improvement in my fluency, however it is the underlying feeling of speaking without fear and being freer to engage in the things that I want that has made the biggest difference. 

So, in hindsight, ‘admitting defeat’ feels more like an accomplishment, and much, much more! 

Kal