Tag Archives: Vulnerability

Me, My Stammer and I

If someone had said to me few years ago that I would one day write a blog about something I am extremely conscious of, I would have laughed out loud! But here I am and this means a big step for me.

As long as I can remember, I have always stammered. I remember when I was about 5 years old and I was struggling to ask for a toy from a boy in a classroom and he said with a puzzled look, why do you talk like this? Up until then I never really noticed my repetition of words, struggling to get the words out etc.. I went home and asked my mum and she said it’s because you are still learning to speak and I believed her for a very long time!

Fast forward many years and I am still “learning to speak”! I was bullied in school for my stammering and my parents had to come for many meetings with the school to talk about it. Having any speech therapy was never an option as my parents believed it would all go away if I gave it time. My family helped me immensely by showing their support and patience, but I grew up thinking stammering was something to hide and not talk about to the world.

Despite being good academically I could never enjoy school, but my good grades and the thrive to achieve more kept me going, I always wanted to act and take part in debates and speeches, but settled for singing instead. This gave me a chance to experience the fluency I dreamt of. I used to envy people who could say what comes in their mind without even thinking about it!

waves Over the years my stammering was like waves with high and low points, but I became very critical and unforgiving of it. I would go over and over my speech and keep telling myself that I was not trying enough to speak properly. Thinking about it now makes me feel sad at how I would be divided into two with one side trying hard to communicate and the other just being negative! I hid my stammering from everyone and would cough, pause or whatever known hideaways to cover my stammer when talking to my friends and family, even at work. I managed to work as a telephone operator in a Call Centre for four years, but the constant efforts to cover up my stammering often made me extremely tired and out of breath.

It was only few years ago that I decided to try speech therapy. That decision did not come instantly as I had often thought of it, but only found enough drive to do something about it then.

The first call I made to find out about NHS speech therapy was very daunting in its own way. I was invited very quickly to the first appointment with a therapist in Chippenham, Wiltshire where I lived at that time. I went to the first session thinking there would be a magic cure waiting for me, but was also very apologetic to the therapist for wasting her time! After a few sessions, it was obvious that we needed to address my psychological approach to stammering before the physical side.

I attended a few sessions there and learned to be as kind, gentle and friendly to myself as I am to others! I know this sounds strange, but I learnt to look at me from a distance and appreciate myself. I started to take each conversation as it happened rather than thinking the whole day was a failure if I had stammered a few times during that day. Just as I was beginning to learn the positive ways to understand my stammer, we had to move from Wiltshire to West Sussex.

This threw me out of my comfort zone and I went back to my old self! It took me many more months to find out about speech therapy in the new area. I was told that there would only be one or two sessions to attend in my area before this service moved to Horsham, West Sussex. Desperate to do something about my attitude and state of mind, I took the chance. To be honest those two or three sessions probably did little to improve anything but they were reassuring enough to make me feel I was on the right track.

Finally, the speech therapist in Horsham helped me to achieve more and explore further. My anxiety was more about causing discomfort to others, but I learnt how that might not be the case and that others are not even bothered by it! We went through the relaxing techniques as well as some breathing exercises to ease the tension around my neck and upper torso, which helped a lot. I had days when the therapy or techniques were helpful, but there were also many days when I felt lost, confused and went back to my usual self-blaming thoughts!

One of my tasks set by my therapist was letting my employer know about my stammering. It happened at the right time as I was going for a job interview for a role I was extremely excited about. I went for the interview thinking there was no way I would get this job after I mentioned my stammering – I guess old habits die hard! But I was a little shocked and somehow disappointed to see that as I mentioned stammering and my therapy, they thanked me for letting them know and just moved on! I was hoping for gasps at least, but not even a slight twinge! That proved even more that my stammering was not as much of a trouble to others as it was for me.

I got that job and am still working there 5 years on. Not even once has anybody mentioned that my stammering has caused them any trouble or has come in the way of my job. My confidence grew with the years and I found a relief in letting people know about my stammering. This also gave me a starting point to focus on learning new skills and making new friends rather than worrying about where I stammered or got lost for words.

As one of the three speech therapists I had once said, “there is no such thing as perfect speech! It’s all about how you get your point across.”  I still have days or moments when I find myself lost for words or feel out of control, but then I take a moment and think that as long as I am able to make the other person understand my point, it’s ok.

I decided to stop taking therapy back in July this year because I felt I had gained enough skills in order for me to find my own way to be a “happy stammerer”. This ability to be ok with stammering is something I never thought I would achieve.

As much as I appreciate all the hard work my NHS speech therapists have put in to help me achieve this state of mind, I feel this was only possible when I decided to take control of my stammering rather than being controlled by it.

Anyone out there who is wondering whether therapy is for them… or perhaps have had therapy, but did not find it much help, I would like to say it’s more like trying a hat… you will have to try a few to find the one that fits! And once you find it, it will not solve all your problems but it will give you enough lift to face life with your head high!


Amna

 

 

The Day after International Stammering Awareness Day (ISAD)

kite-007Disclosing one’s stammer is easy they say… vital I say. In fact it is very much a technique I subscribe to, use frequently and encourage others to try. Imagine going into a stressful situation, an interview for example; walk through the door, friendly handshake, introductions gone well, half way through the first question, BLOCK. No sound. Embarrassed interviewers. Red faces, yours and theirs. You get the word out, will I block again? Will I stammer? Oh please get me out of here. It feels like a total failure, even though it probably isn’t. Your mind is going through all the usual worst case scenarios.

Now, try this for size. Walk through the door, friendly handshake, introductions gone well. “Before we start I would just like to say, I occasionally stammer. It’s not a problem for me and I trust it won’t be for you.” Now you are in control, you have wowed them, you have a USP. If you do block or stammer, it’s not a surprise, there will be no embarrassment, your stress levels are normal for an interview, and you’re likely to be more fluent as a result.

Early self disclosure works in many situations; with new people, those dreaded round the table introductions at meetings and even presentations and speeches. Whatever the occasion, it puts those of us who stammer in control of our speech, something we crave but may rarely experience.

So why is it then that I, someone who has lots of experience and success using this technique, finds it so difficult to talk about my stammer with my family, friends and colleagues? They already know I stammer, a fact I have never wanted or been able to hide, so self disclosure with them would be something slightly different. I know I would not suffer prejudice or ridicule, these are my friends after all, and rightly or wrongly I do crack a joke about stammering, so they know I am in a comfortable place with my speech.

Is it because I would have to speak more about feelings rather than the mechanics of speech? Is it because I would be revealing a more vulnerable side to my character they may not have seen, wish to see or I may wish to reveal? Is it because I don’t like talking about me me me? Am I, as usual, over-thinking the whole situation and should I just get on and talk to them about how stammering has and continues to shape me into the person I am?

These are questions I do not yet have answers to, but writing this has motivated me to move my self disclosure onto the next level, more personal, closer to home. I have always been sceptical of ‘awareness days’, there is a risk those not directly affected will be jolted for 1/365th of a year, then move on to the next cause. Don’t get me wrong, I fully support ISAD and the freedom it gives stammerers to speak out, often for the first time, and long may it continue. As with every British Stammering Association Conference I have attended, we must, must ride the wave of positivity and ‘can do’ generated and continue the work started on that day or weekend.

For me, that means talking to my friends, workmates and anyone else who knows me (sounds like I am on the radio!) about stammering, educating them and doing my bit towards a society that accepts dis-fluency and not expects fluency.

When I was a child I used to enjoy spending time on the beach flying kites; brightly coloured, bold symbols of fun and freedom, only just under control but high in the sky for all around to see. I will be flying the kite for stammering from now on, when will you be flying yours?

paul-roberts-photo

 

Paul Roberts

Stammering: A Million Courageous Conversations

2015-04-14 19.59.05-1

“Iain, I’m going to be submitting a business case for promotion to manager in June.

I normally stammer on my name which then knocks all my confidence, especially when meeting someone for the first time. Also, my fear of stammering often stops me from contributing to larger groups.

These are going to be increasingly important for me if I’m to be promoted and to be a successful manager.

I’ve never discussed my stammer with anyone at work before but it would be great to talk. Can I book some time in with you soon?”

This email received in January 2015 was a simple but not easy way of inviting me into a conversation about stammering. It led to an authentic, at times emotional and certainly courageous conversation between two people who’d never met before.

For the email’s author, it was the start of a year in which they transformed their working relationship with their stammer and achieved huge personal growth. For myself, it was a privilege to have been invited to play a small part.

These days as Co-Chair of the Employers Stammering Network1 (“ESN”) I’m increasingly hearing about courageous conversations similar to the one I’ve shared above. Perhaps best described as a rising conversational tide across public and private sector organisations, it gives us encouragement that we’re on course to achieve our vision to “Change UK employment culture so everyone who stammers can achieve their full career potential.”

However, what does it really mean to have a courageous conversation in the workplace? 

After all, isn’t courage really about physical bravery such as a sporting success or military engagement? In many ways it is. Yet courage is also about less visible acts.

Poet and author David Whyte explores this interior dynamic as one where:

“To be courageous is not necessarily to go anywhere or do anything except make conscious those things we already feel deeply and then to live through the unending vulnerabilities of those consequences.” 2

In other words, a conversation in which we offer up our own vulnerability to others is courageous. When we talk for the first time about the pain, shame and stigma of having a stammer we are indeed revealing our vulnerability. The closer to the heart it is the more powerful and productive the conversation can be for everyone.

As Professor Brené Brown, an acknowledged leader in the field of vulnerability and courage, explains:

“Courage is a heart word. The root of the word is ‘cor’ – the Latin word for heart.

In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ ”3

In many ways the visible and invisible elements of courage mirror what happens to us when we stammer. In other words, what people see and what they can’t see. It is not the exterior physical manifestations of our dysfluent speech, facial contortions or defensive body language that can hurt us most, but the interior turmoil pounding away in our heads, stomachs and hearts.

Perhaps it’s no wonder then that employees with interiorised stammers, whose speech typically sounds fluent on the outside, find it so difficult to reveal their hidden dysfluency and feelings of vulnerability on the inside.

Yet Brené Brown reminds us that there is still true strength to be found here:

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.

Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never a weakness.”4

So in practice, how can we successfully apply this vulnerability, truth and courage in conversations at work?

Timing can be everything and in the working world these conversations often happen as we approach points of change, whether it be a new job, a promotion or the opportunity to take on an exciting new role, especially if it requires more public speaking.

When as a senior manager, I was asked to join and lead our audit training team, it was totally unexpected as I’d always avoided instructing on any training programmes! After agonising over the decision, I accepted the role. Had I been more courageous, it could have been the catalyst for a conversation about my stammer. However, the dialogue with my boss amounted merely to his clipped comment that I needed to develop my facilitation and presentation skills, countered by my grudging acknowledgement that he might just possibly be right! It was another two years before we had that courageous conversation about my stammer as he mentored me towards becoming a partner in our firm.

There is no ‘preferred way’ to hold a courageous conversation and there’s an array of courses, multi-step programmes, articles and poetry out there. They range from “straight-talking, take no prisoners” to the “let the spirit take you wherever it will” approaches – it’s whatever works best for you.

Choosing the right conversational partner is choosing the right conversation. Do you want someone who’s going to be open, to whom you can listen and will perhaps be a little courageous themselves? Or someone more focused on listening to you and on being a friendly, receptive ear. Again, there’s no right answer. My own mentor was occasionally open, sometimes uncomfortably challenging and always supportive.

As helpful content and support for these conversations, the ESN website www.stammering.org/esn will soon include a series of case studies featuring employees talking openly about the relationship between their stammer and their work. Whether we stammer or not, much better though to use our own stories, the ones that only we can wholly tell, giving ourselves an open canvas to engage in a truly courageous way.

My invitation to you.

With a UK labour force of over 30 million people5, it’s a long haul journey to achieve the cultural change the ESN is aiming for. However, with over 300,000 UK adults who stammer, our families, friends, therapists and allies in both predictable and surprising places, our home team could very well be a million people strong.

That’s potentially a Million Courageous Conversations!

So my new year invitation to you is to become one of the million people forming our home team and to have at least one Courageous Conversation about stammering this year – a conversation through which, by being a little bit vulnerable, you’ll be amazed by what a difference you can make.

Iain Wilkie

Iain_Wilkie#9509_small

 

Iain Wilkie is a Senior Partner at EY and the Co-Chairman of the Employers Stammering Network (“ESN”).

All views and opinions expressed in this article are entirely his own.

 

 

 

  1. The Employers Stammering Network is operated by the British Stammering Association. For further information please email either Helen Carpenter at hc@stammering.org or Norbert Lieckfeldt at nl@stammering.org.
  1. David Whyte, “Consolations. The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words”, Many Rivers Press, 2014
  1. Brené Brown, “I Thought it was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame”, 2007, Gotham
  1. Brené Brown, “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way we Live, Love, Parent and Lead”, 2012, Gotham
  1. Office National Statistics, www.ons.gov.uk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Transparency

I like to be really transparent. Early after a TBI, I had such magnificently apparent social communication impairments that my verbal blurts were excused. As I recovered in visual processing, attention, balance, auditory processing, and something else I can’t remember (probably memory), I looked a lot less disabled. That made the blurts more noticeable and out of place. [Side note: if you work in brain injury rehab, notice I did not include executive function in that list of improvements because that was on a painfully slower recovery trajectory.] As long as I was well-rested and with friends I could usually control blurts. Add in stressors like exhaustion, a crowd, background noise, and the blurting would let loose.

While verbal outbursts are often considered inappropriate, there’s a beautiful truth behind them. I told someone once she reminded me of algae. While she shamed me for about 10 minutes in front of other people for this transgression, what she failed to do was find out what I meant. I was attempting to give her the highest compliment I could think of. I’d been searching in my mind for how to compliment this person, and all that would come to me was a sensation of appreciation and an image of algae. So I told her about the algae.

Barton springsAlgae–the kind I was picturing–is a luscious jewel-tone, so saturated in color as to almost be unbelievable. It’s miraculous in its depth of color. It’s soft and inviting, pleasantly fuzzy even when wet. (That is so cool about algae!) Algae appears delicate but is robust, spreading its influence far and wide. You can try to stop it, but you must humbly lose. Your algae will return, and no matter how you feel about that, it will always be back: strong, resilient, soft, and green.

This was several years ago when I had no capacity to verbalize an explanation like that. It was just a sensation, the color, my childhood memories of Texas summer heat on my skin and the softness of algae on my arms as I rested in the freezing, unchlorinated waters of Barton Springs. I felt the memories, and I wanted her to be loved the way I loved playing with the stringy strips of green that floated on the clear spring water.

But no. Inappropriate. Rude, inconsiderate, oh well.

I have many Autistic and neuro-diverse friends, and we spend a lot of time communicating online. Since I now live in the frigid tundra of Portland, Oregon, I’m not hanging out at the swimming hole anyway. So I’m online a lot. I’ve learned many wonderful things about effective communication from this particular community, and I want to share two of my reflections about that here.

  1. Sometimes there is no cruel intent at all behind a statement.

Why, exactly, is it a problem if I say I don’t like your dress? I’m only saying I don’t like your dress. This isn’t to insult you. It’s 100% possible for me to dislike your dress while still holding you in the highest esteem and even asking you for fashion advice down the road.

Consider that sometimes there is no emotional baggage, ulterior motive, or crap behind verbal outbursts. They’re thoughts that come out without regard for the listener’s feelings. But that doesn’t mean they’re intended to hurt the listener.

If I say I don’t like your dress, we could move on. You’re even welcome to tell me that hurt your feelings! Then, I can say, “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings.” This is how it goes when you’re transparent with your thoughts and don’t assume someone’s trying to hurt your feelings.

  1. Be so transparent that it hurts.

I like to use HTML mark-up. You don’t have to understand computer code to do this, and in increases the odds that your intentions will ring loud and clear online.

If I want to be sarcastic, I make that into HTML-type instructions. (Instructions are inside <>):

<sarcastic>I don’t like your dress.</sarcastic>

(Of course, I don’t get why someone would say that sarcastically, but they might.)

If I need you to know that I sincerely love your dress:

<sincere>I love your dress.</sincere>

In real life, I speak in HTML opening mark-up. I say, “It doesn’t sound like I mean it, but I really like your dress.” Or, “Don’t be fooled by my tears; I’m really happy. I’m just crying.”

When someone with executive dysfunction blurts, even if they say something hurtful, you’re not obligated to assume it’s supposed to be hurtful or inappropriate. There’s always the possibility that the words came out in an unintended tone of voice, the wrong words came out, or that they were exactly the right words, but you didn’t want to hear them.

I want to make sure that we find partnerships in communication. People with brain injury are expected to curb our verbal outbursts, think before speaking (who really does that?), and be more kind and polite. I would ask that as we work on steps in that journey, listeners explore their listening and investigate the ways in which we are just as likely to misunderstand what someone said (or meant) as we are to sometimes say something that didn’t work out. Transparency, not resentment, might be a great key to helping us get through the awkward blurty times, whether we’re the listener or the blurter.

Cheryl Green, MFA, MS

Cheryl-with-waterfallCheryl creates media that combine personal narrative, humor, and social critique to create dynamic, accessible tools for cross-disability justice. She is on the board of Disability Art and Culture Project and served on the board of Brain-injury Information Referral and Resource Development (BIRRDsong). She volunteered with the National Black Disability Coalition and the Portland Commission on Disability.

info@storyminders.com
www.WhoAmIToStopIt.com
Stories from the brainreels podcast

 

Putting the Relationship in Supervision

images-9Supervision. The word invokes many different thoughts for me. The many supervisors I have had, and the many people I have supervised. And the formality of the word. I got a bit stuck when trying to move past this, so I read through multiple blog posts about having one’s communication shaped, ‘therapyed’ or embraced. These posts brought to my mind the way that we as Speech and Language Therapists (SLTs) advocate for all of this communication, in whatever form is successful or possible for each individual, yet when it comes to shaping my own supervision, the same rules just don’t apply. I turn up to therapy sessions with clients. But at times, have found it hard to access my own unique communication space (which will help in those therapy sessions I turn up to), why is that? We want our accountants to be au fait with current tax law, our mechanics to put the right parts in our car, yet for some reason there are times when we turn up to sessions not having invested in our knowledge space, which is essential to providing therapy. Why do we not seek it out if we don’t have what we need or want?

Reasons I have not accessed supervision include that I have worked outside of the NHS and just haven’t got round to getting any, I have had managers who haven’t seen its benefits (I have also had managers who have ‘over-supervised’!), and I have had supervisors where their style of supervision is just not my cup of tea. There have also been times when I’ve not been linked into a neat network of Speech and Language Therapists. At times I have craved this ‘simple’ structure of one senior SLT supervises me, and then I supervise an SLT below me. But currently that isn’t an option available to me. I am an overseas trained SLT, who has spent some time as a permanent staff member in the NHS, a wee stint working privately and am currently working as a locum in the NHS. My life is soon changing as I am looking to return home.

Right now, I am lucky, especially as a locum. I have regular supervision. I also give regular supervision. I have a clinical team leader (CTL) who is not an SLT, but who always has an open ear, and filing cabinet full of ideas, especially around complex issues such as safeguarding and setting up a service. But, we have both wondered on occasion, if she was an SLT, would we come up with the answer to a curly clinical quandary more quickly?

I also have, until recently, received private supervision from an SLT. On writing this I reflected about what brought me to private supervision, and it struck me that I was looking for that ‘simple’ hierarchical structure that I mentioned above. However, what came out was something different. I had the freedom to discuss anything as my supervisor was able to look at my thoughts and issues through a different lens, removed from the need to be managerial. Someone who was intrigued to help me find the balance in relationships, who did not have a stake in the outcome and, therefore, was able to challenge me in order to help me create boundaries within my work. In her removed position, she was able to help me understand what areas to drive forward clinically. However, this separation from my day-to-day work existence, meant at times I would need to go back to my CTL to float the ideas discussed.

It took me a while to access private clinical supervision. I would often go to my sessions with the anxiety that one has when the ‘to do’ list takes up three sides of paper. But when I would leave it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders – the exact same feeling that I have when I meet with my CTL. Although both of my supervisors are interested in serving the same purpose – making sure I don’t burn out – they come at it from differing perspectives.

The biggest thing I will be taking from my recent supervision experience is that it is all about relationships. The relationship with the supervisor and myself, but mostly the content of discussion is how I am relating to others. I have sated my need for the neat little SLT supervision structure. It is not a necessity to be supervised by your own discipline or receive clinical support from your own workplace. A perfectly excellent job can be achieved outside of these arrangements, as long as your supervisor knows what kinds of questions to ask, and is humble enough to say “Hmmm, is this what that looks like? If not, tell me more…” I can feel myself now asking similar-structured questions to the Occupational Therapists and Physiotherapists, who ask me how they should manage a particular situation. I pride myself on my ability to relate to my colleagues, clients and wider community as an SLT, but I need to leave my guilt at the supervision door because if I am not showing up to my own unique communication space then the relationships in my work just won’t work.

Anna Childs (nee Wivell)

Reflections on my first BSA Conference: inspiration, connection, courage and community

photo

A week later and I am still feeling buoyed up by the positivity of the British Stammering Association’s National 2014 Conference, held in association with the Scottish Stammering Network in Glasgow. I was not sure what to expect as I made the long train journey north on Friday 22nd August, arriving just in time to attend the City Hall drinks – a grand and fitting social event to mark the beginning of the conference.

Conversations flowed as readily as the wine – with old friendships quickly renewed and new friendships founded. I was struck by the warmth, energy and harmonious chatter as the evening progressed – and which set the tone for the rest of the weekend. People mixed and mingled freely at mealtimes, between presentations and late into the night. It soon became apparent that the social aspect was an integral part of the conference’s success for many of the delegates – as the early morning photos at George’s Square clearly testify!

Significant highlights for me included:

  • Iain Wilkie’s keynote on ‘Transforming Employability’. Drawing on research highlighting employers’ ignorance and misunderstanding of stammering, Iain outlined the evolution of Ernst and Young’s ‘Stammering Network’ since its inception in 2011, which led to the launch of the ‘Employers Stammering Network’ (ESN), a BSA supported initiative, in 2013. Combining personal and corporate narratives interspersed with thought-provoking quotations, Iain advocated a cultural shift towards diversity and inclusiveness underpinned by flexible support processes involving the shared commitment of both employers and employees. To this end he invited all present to open up dialogues about stammering at work in the understanding that ‘there is no courageous conversation without vulnerability’. More information can be found on the BSA website: www.stammering.org/help-information/professionals-and-business/businesses/unlocking-talent-employers-stammering-network
  • Co-presenting with Katy Bailey (www.free-speech.org.uk) on the relevance of the social model of disability for stammering and employment. Relocating the problem of stammering in society and offering participants a chance to identify the physical and attitudinal barriers experienced in the workplace enabled us to explore how prevailing norms, language and stereotypes can go unchallenged and become insidiously internalised. Practical ways of managing these oppressive external and internal barriers were then discussed. Here is our handout if you are interested in finding out more.
  • Dr Allan McGroarty’s reflections on ‘Dr Quack and his stammer cure: quick fixes, bogus treatments and charlatans’. An amusing and informative review on how to spot a ‘Quack’ following the growth of the Internet and social media. Allan concluded by reflecting on the important role that the stammering and professional communities need to play in questioning and challenging false claims about stammering therapy in the public domain.
  • RSM Jimmy Lang’s motivational speech on ‘Reaching the Top’. The sheer grit, determination and resilience that Jimmy has applied to progressing his career in the army are truly impressive. Furthermore, his willingness and commitment to using his experience and influence to benefit others has resulted in the Defence College of Health Education & Training (DCHET) joining the ESN and developing clearer systems and support processes for other military personnel who stammer. Jimmy’s personal story offered a direct and powerful challenge to the ‘why try?’ effect often reported in the research (Corrigan et al., 2009; Boyle, 2013) due to the internalisation of public stigma. Exposure to Jimmy’s encouraging and constructive ‘can do’ attitude was particularly timely for the student I sat next to, who was contemplating a career in speech and language therapy and questioning the implications having a stammer would have.
  • Convincing reports on the BSA impact at the AGM, with a persuasive video testimonial on the successful Facebook page, underscored the need for greater involvement in fundraising in order to safeguard the future of the BSA: “Ask not what the BSA can do for you, ask what you can do for the BSA!”
  • The Gala dinner at the spectacular Science Centre followed by a highly entertaining impromptu exploration of Glasgow’s nightlife.
  • Bob Adam’s and Trev Bradley’s dynamic, engaging and practical workshop on ‘staying safe on the streets’ – a salient reminder given the unfortunate mugging of one of the conference delegates in the early hours of Sunday morning.
  • The infamous ‘Open Mike’ session where delegates queued for the entire 90-minute session to speak out in front of the bigger group – many for the first time, some to share their conference reflections, others to signpost a helpful resource (e.g. the Opening Doors employment course run jointly by City Lit and the BSA) and one person to get some practice in before his daughter’s wedding later this year!

A heartfelt thank you to everyone who made the 2014 conference possible, especially David Lilburn and John Mann, and to everyone who came and contributed to such a lively and memorable weekend.

In the online feedback, I was set the task of capturing the essence of the conference in four words. They would have to be: inspiration, connection, courage and community.

The next BSA conference is scheduled for 2016 – I’d highly recommend making a note in your diary now!

Sam

Boyle, M. (2013) Assessment of stigma associated with stuttering: Development and evaluation of the Self-Stigma of Stuttering Scale (4S). Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research, 56, 1517-1529.

Corrigan P., Larson J. & Rusch N. (2009) Self-stigma and the “why-try” effect: impact on life goals and evidence-based practices. World Psychiatry, 8, 75-81.

 

 

Embracing vulnerability

Having recently been signposted to the photos and videos Steven Halliday has put together on the British Stammering Association Twitter page, I came across a fascinating speech by the actress, Emily Blunt at an American Institute for Stuttering Gala Dinner in 2009. (Listen here)

Emily Blunt

 

 

 

 

My initial response was one of surprise that this event had completely passed me by. Blunt’s speech is engaging and her openness and honesty about her personal experience of stammering is deeply moving. It is also encouraging to see such a glamorous celebrity coming out about stammering in this way and subverting traditional stereotypes of communication disability.

What has stayed with me, however, was Blunt’s willingness to be so transparently vulnerable in such a public forum. Her capacity to speak from this place of authenticity was like a tuning fork that touched in and resonated with something deeply human. Beyond words. An act of true courage.

Perhaps it also resonated because the struggle to be with vulnerability is a recurrent theme in my client work just now. It is intriguing how often we are untrusting of our feelings of vulnerability, how we automatically strive to keep them under wraps; by either trying to tidy the mess into a more acceptable form or to hide it shamefully from view. How very tragic then to learn how costly this natural tendency towards control and concealment actually is.

Brene Brown

 

 

 

 

In her inspiring TEDX talk, entitled “The power of vulnerability” (listen here), Brene Brown claims that embracing vulnerability is not only key to true connection with both ourselves and others, but is a necessity. As uncomfortable and unsettling as it might be, she describes the essential human experience of vulnerability as being the birthplace of joy, gratitude, personal growth and authenticity.

This led me to reflect on the many paradoxes involved in being human, on just how much each of us needs to let go of in order to truly be ourselves… in all of our beautiful inconsistency and imperfection.

Sam